


Loose Lips Sink Ships

by Covenmouse



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, I Tried, Unrequited Crush, What Was I Thinking?, it only ends in tears, never cry in a bottle, no one's happy, shush the rednecks are talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 14:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14673171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Covenmouse/pseuds/Covenmouse
Summary: The Watcher overhears a conversation she'd rather not have while the crew is straightening out business in the Gullet.





	Loose Lips Sink Ships

"I, uh, never saw her that way."

The words rang between Nissa's ears. Had been since she'd heard them, uttered low and puzzled like she weren't standing three feet up the way. Like the whole party couldn't hear Serefen's half-snickered question.

Most times, Nissa didn't mind kith talkin' 'bout her like she weren't there. She'd gotten used to it, being "The Watcher," and orlan, and... _ everything _ . Seems kith always had something to say, one way or another. Couldn't rightly say she minded it this time, neither, excepting for the deep, burning need to have never heard  _ this  _ particular conversation. 

Eder didn't think of her  _ that way _ . 

She'd known it. How could she not have known it? Most people, they didn't go on 'bout former lovers in front of a body they thought to woo. At least, not until they'd been safely 'neath the sheets with said body a time or three. That kind of close bought security enough for such tales. 

Friends, though;  _ friends  _ talked about that sort of thing. At least,  _ her _ friends always seemed to, especially with Hiravias prowlin' 'round. Eder was usually the one to goad him on, too.

And they'd been friends, her and Eder. They  _ were _ friends, far as she understood. She hadn't asked him on in Gilded Vale with any more intent than that. 

_ Hel _ , there were a _ lot'a  _ things she hadn't intended. Developing a notion, mild but well-tended, that he'd one day spark a more romantic interest in her like she had him, well...that was chief amongst them. 

One might've thought the giant adra statue would take precedence, but in this moment...

Nissa couldn't blame Eder for his feelings no more than she could blame the ocean for being wet.  But damned if she hadn't  _ hoped _ . 

"There you are," drawled Eder from behind her like  _ skaen _ -hisself, because a' _ course _ he'd find her right when she wasn't wanting to be found. Briefly, Nissa considered hiding the bottle she'd been tending since they'd shoved off that afternoon; toss it to  _ Ondra _ in vain hope the goddess would take pity and conjure a storm or  _ principati  _ ship to deal with. 

Nissa took a long swig.

Heavy, booted footsteps crossed the deck behind her, boards creaking ever so slightly beneath Eder's weight. She flicked one long, turquoise-tuffed ear at him; a gesture that'd have given pause to any  _ orlan _ . He didn't notice. Despite all their time together, Eder never had picked up on the subtler cues of  _ orlan  _ body language. 

_ Maybe _ , Nissa thought with bitter regret,  _ He never saw me for a  _ reason. 

His footsteps paused at the railing next her.

"Huh. Didn't think you were much of a drinker."

"Sometimes am," she said with a shrug that felt too light for its burden. That wasn't a lie, though it felt awful close to one. Despite being raised in the Deadfire, with its pirates and its politics, she'd never made a habit of drinking. Never understood why anyone did. 

It would be dramatic to say she understood now. There'd been no promises broken between them; no trust betrayed. Just a bit of one-sided disappointment. But that disappointment came on the heels of another home lost, another death-notch on her belt, another life uprooted...and Nissa felt maybe that was enough to justify crawling into a bottle, if only for an evening.

She was aware of Eder's eyes on her, though between their height difference, the emerald curtain of her hair, and the darkness of the sky it wasn't likely he could make out any of her expression. Still, his next words surprised her.

"Huh. Always thought you'd be a happy drunk."

Nissa sighed. "Yeah? Why's that?"

"It's just you're... _ you _ ," he snickered. 

There was a pause where it felt like he expected her to jo in in, d uring which he missed another agitated flick of her ears. Slowly, though, Eder sobered.

"Hey, uh, you alright? You've seemed kinda—" In the corner of her vision, Nissa saw Eder's hand waffle from side to side as he searched for the proper adjective. "—since we left The Gullet. That was sure messed up what them  _ huana  _ are doing to their own down there, but…"

"We've seen worse," Nissa filled in where Eder trailed away. It didn't take a Cipher to know where his thoughts had been treading. In her mind's eye, she saw a tree laden with swaying corpses. She remembered a tavern stocked with rancid mead. A river bobbing with drowned infants.

"Yeah," Eder agreed. 

Nissa eyed the bottle in her hands. It'd been full when she'd started. There was a little under half left, and she was certain to feel it in the morning. 

She handed up the bottle, hating the feeling of his fingers on hers as he took it. There was a slosh of liquid, a subtle glup, and the glass was back in her hand. 

"Thanks."

Nissa nodded, and took another swing in kind. Silence settled between them, thick as tar and just as quick to burn. Eder was right, in his way. She wasn't acting herself. Not one bit.

"I expected more," she finally told him. That was true of both situations, weren't it? More out of the  _ huana _ , sure, but more between the pair of them as well. 

"How's that?"

She shrugged weakly. "They've a promise to protect their own. It's how things are s'posed to be." 

"Same could be said for a lot'a folk who've crossed our paths."

"Not like this."

"Sorry, Watcher, but, ah, I'm not really seein' the difference," Eder said, sounding a bit sheepish. He'd always had a way of tying to dumber than he was when he disagree with her; Nissa were never certain iff'n that false dereference were habit, or some way of trying to ease the sting of argument. "Some might say the Queen's tryin' best she can. Seen you let similar go, years past."

"Weren't nothin' to be done 'bout that crop blight!" 

Even Nissa was a'feared of the sudden edge in her tone, and winced away from it same as Eder. She lifted a shaking hand to her face, swiping it over her brow. 

"Sorry, Eder. That...That weren't called for."

"Might be you've had enough," he said, gentle as the accompanying tug at the bottle in her hand. Nissa held on, briefly, before letting him have it.

The minute it was out of hand, Nissa felt a lot lighter. It weren't a good feeling; more akin to a flag cut loose than safely lowered. 

She wobbled and grabbed for the rail to steady herself, nearly smacking herself face-first into the timber when the boat lurched. 

"Whoa there!" Eder's hands found her shoulders, guiding her back to her feet. He chuckled unsteadily. "Heh. Come on, lightweight, let me get you to bed."

" _ Now _ you're interested? What did it, the attitude or the booze? From all your talk I ne'er took you for the submissive type."

This was why she didn't drink, Nissa recalled as cold regret and realization washed between them like a wave. She didn't  _ want _ to look up, but their height difference was such her line of sight were naturally level with his crotch...so up her gaze went. 

Eder knew. Play as he might to the ignorant farmer image, Eder wasn't stupid. Hel, even if he were, it didn't take a cipher nor orlan senses to figure what she'd meant, or see that he'd drawn the conclusion just fine. All this time, all these years, and she'd made an ass of herself with a single bottle of rum. 

"That how it is?" He asked softly, warily. The voice he used to calm back alley strays. 

"S'fine," she slurred, "Forget it, yeah? I'm just drunk."

She tried to smile and hadn't the slightest notion what the result looked like. Nothing good, if Eder's continued silence was any clue. "This's why I don't drink, ye ken?"

His brow furrowed, eyes sparkling with worry way up above her. Like stars of reproach glittering in the face of a god. Only not, because she'd been there, and gods were far less handsome and way more murderous as a rule.

Slowly, Eder's mouth opened. What followed wasn't exactly Aedyran.

"You, uh...that is, I  _ never _ ...It's mighty  _ flatterin' _ , Watch—"

"Told you, it's  _ fine _ ," Nissa snapped. 

She carded a hand over her face, raking her fingers all the way up into the wind tangled mess of her hair. 

_ " _ Mayhaps  _ I _ could see the captain to her berth?"

Nissa lurched about on flimsy legs to find Serafen watching them from the starboard rail.  It was only then she recalled nodding to him when she'd come up to hide behind the crates. Must have been he'd witnessed the whole conversation. Must'a.

"Better'n better," Nissa muttered.  _ Thought  _ she'd muttered. Volume was weirdly difficult to judge. The more she moved about, the worse the effects seemed to get. 

Serafen were right, she wagered, and held a hand out to him. 

The older orlan chuckled as he slung an arm about her shoulders instead. There were a tremor of kindness in the undercurrent of his laughter that soothed her brittle nerves A cipher's trick, for true and sure. Anything else and Nissa might've punched him for the familiarity. But in this case, this one time, she couldn't bring herself to mind. The touch, however slight, helped. 

Eder said nothing as Serafen led her down the steps to the deck. He let her go as surely as he'd left her behind five years before. Because he'd never thought of her  _ like that _ .


End file.
